Dreams of the new year

The end of the year is always full of reflection. Thoughts of your dreams, desires, and whatnot. Gift giving and friendliness, et cetera. Christmas and the New Year always seems to be a lonely time for me. It's a strange feeling, where, despite knowing you have people beside you, and friends you may reach if you call for them, you still feel alone. Like you can't connect that strongly to them. I seem to be able to fit in relatively well whenever I try, but I don't feel a strong bond of friendship. I always think about that, around this time of year. I always end up spending my time alone, on my own volition, for better or worse.

So I've begun playing EVE Online again. The last time I played was about the same time, last year, on a 14-day trial. This game is one that seems to have stayed in my heart for a long time, despite all the other MMORPGs I try out and drift across. To me, an MMORPG is supposed to be an RPG with ultimate freedom. You can truly do what you want, in EVE. There's no grind for experience points, you make money however you want, and do whatever you want, in the infinite expanse of space.

This time it's a 21-day trial. There's this thing you can do where, if you have enough in-game cash, you can buy a Game Time Card to keep playing. It's a legal method to try to counter the third-party money sellers. For some reason I've been hesitant with subscribing, and it's an interesting challenge. I want to try going for it again.

But, with the year nearing its end, I also begin to reflect upon myself. Nothing seems to change, and it's the same thing again. My thoughts trail to nowhere. I am uncertain with my own future. Or perhaps, I am uncertain with my desire to walk towards a future I have already looked upon.